|
Funniest travel comments of the year |
At times, what people think of hotels is extremely negative. "I could have done
without the blood-stained mattress and the (actual) chunk of poop on my
bedspread, but I didn't expect the Hilton," wrote one.
"I spent the night in the (hotel) room and experienced a friendly spirit. This
presence got into bed with me, and old lady, she was nice and I just patted her
on the head and we had a comfortable restful sleep. I think I will ask for a
different room next time."
"Time could be spent pondering over the meaning of some of the many safety signs
around the complex. Out of the several we managed to identify, the two we found
to be of greatest use were
1. Not to step on any crocodiles whilst bare foot, and
2. "No ugly, or spotty children to frequent the pool."
"Sleeping in the street during a blizzard would be better than staying at this
hell-hole. The place should be imploded."
When traveling abroad it is not unusual to find misuse of the English language
when translating a message, here are some funny ones.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of
the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are
welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers,
artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During the
time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor.
If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
Italian hotel brochure: This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In
fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.
Lisbon hotel: If you wish disinfection enacted in your presence, please ring for
the chambermaid.
Polish tourist brochure: As for the tripe served you at the Hotel Monopol, you
will be singing its praises to your grandchildren as you lie on your deathbed.
Moscow hotel: If this is your first visit to the U.S.S.R., you are welcome to
it.
French hotel: A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers.
Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal towels please. If you are not a person to do
such is please not to read this.
Swiss menu: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards and only when lit up.
French swimming pool: Swimming is forbidden in absence of the Saviour.
Spanish hotel ad: The provision of a large French widow in every room adds to
visitors' comfort.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in
appetizing forms.
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 AM
daily.
Hong Kong Tailor Shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
Bangkok Dry Cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Paris Dress Shop: Dresses for street walking.
Rhodes (Greece) Tailor Shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we
will execute customers in strict rotation.
Soviet Newspaper: There will be a Moscow exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet
Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
German Camping Site: It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site
that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one
tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
Rome Laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a
good time.
Czech Tourist Agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no
miscarriages.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket counter: We take your bags and send them in all
directions.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the
bar.
In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable
food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and diseases. |
|
|
